I’m writing this under protest. My doctor has “strongly” suggested that I engage in more problem coping outlets, whatever that means. Apparently working investigations and trying to solve cases isn’t enough of a healthy distraction. She asked me to write every day but when I bristled she relented. I guess writing this is better than going to more group counseling sessions, so here goes.
After my last doctor got busted for prescription fraud I doctor shopped awhile before realizing I was out of control again and had to do something. By out of control I mean battling depression, insomnia, nausea and anxiety by popping pills. I’m dealing with the death of my spouse and it sucks. Sucks isn’t articulate enough. What’s a single word that means devastation, heart numbing grief, complete life upheaval compounded with my addiction?
I have my share of okay days which means I haven’t lost it completely. My business is treading water thanks to Warren. He’s the best assistant and friend I could have. I know he worries a lot about me and his heart is in the right place. I appreciate his friendship but tend to lose my temper when he hovers. I need to dial back my anger when he bugs me about doctor visits and attending group sessions.
I’m supposed to write about feelings. It’s been twenty-six years and I still miss mom and dad. When does the hole in your heart ever heal? Damn, writing this I’m getting more depressed. I need to focus on something positive. I’m positive I want a beer and don’t feel like being alone. Darcy told me that there are half-priced drafts during happy hour this week. I don’t have the money budgeted but will take a cab just to be on the safe side. I need to edit out the drinking part of this before my next doctor’s visit.
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